Flatmate Compatibility Before the Deposit: A 20-Minute Conversation
A respectful script for discussing money, guests, cleaning, food, work schedules and boundaries before two people commit to sharing a home.
A pleasant chat is not the same as a compatibility check. Good shared homes are built when expectations are stated early, especially around money and privacy. The goal is not to find someone identical to you; it is to discover whether your differences can be managed without daily friction.
First five minutes: money and commitment
- Exact rent share, deposit and one-time setup costs.
- How utilities, groceries and household help are divided.
- Who receives the money and what receipt or agreement is provided.
- Move-in date, lock-in, notice period and replacement-flatmate process.
- How damage to shared and private items is handled.
Next ten minutes: the ordinary week
- Work-from-home days, calls and quiet hours.
- Sleep times, alarms and use of common rooms late at night.
- Cooking frequency, dietary boundaries and shared utensils.
- Cleaning standard, chores and household-help timing.
- Guests, partners, overnight stays and advance notice.
- Smoking, alcohol, pets and allergies.
- Air-conditioning, geyser and other high-use utilities.
Final five minutes: boundaries and conflict
Ask how each person prefers to raise a problem. Agree that private rooms, belongings and messages remain private. Decide where shared decisions will be recorded. A short written house agreement is not unfriendly; it protects the relationship from different memories later.
Green flags and reasons to pause
Clear cost details, willingness to show the home and documents, respectful disagreement and consistent answers are useful signals. Pressure to pay immediately, refusal to meet safely, changing financial terms or dismissing boundaries are reasons to slow down or leave.